I just read a blog entry written by an American mom with a toddler and an infant. She expressed her frustrations in the demanding life that a mother leads, and feels flabbergasted by the pressures of American motherhood.
Reading her emotional journey made me reflect on my own two years of motherhood in America. Many of this woman’s current frustrations were once my own. I felt disconnected from any sense of community outside of my extended family. I was alone in the house for the majority of weekdays. Our spacious (compared to world standards) duplex apartment needed daily attention, not to mention cooking, lawn care, etc. During those years, I often yearned for some neighbor friends whom I could relate to. I dreamed of having neighbor mothers who wanted to come over and chat while I folded the laundry, or watched my daughter while I took on a task that needed full focus. And likewise, I was willing to put in the same support for others.
But that dream never came true. I did what other mothers do across the US and simply went about my daily life with a sense of discord. I was indeed lucky enough to have family nearby, but I felt that there could have been something more in regards to community.
Now that I’m in Hong Kong, my life is radically changed. We live in a village where I know all of our neighbors. But the interesting thing is that I don’t need to rely on them in the way I once thought. Because we employ full time domestic help, my daily frustrations are at an all time low.
In praise of affordable hired help, my life is envious to American mothers. It took me many months to be comfortable with someone cleaning and cooking and helping with child care, because the American attitude is “do-it-yourself.” But once I learned how to accept help and form a trusting relationship with our hired domestic helper, Minda, my life is far more balanced.
Let me explain what affordable is: Our family of three lives off of USD$40,000 per year, and that covers Maeli’s expensive western schooling, as well as employing Minda full-time.
I guess I had to explain the affordable part because I’ve been hearing some jealous sentiments from my American friends and family. Employing help often equates to being filthy rich, or at least it does in America. Almost every mother I know in Hong Kong employs hired help, and none of them are filthy rich.
The obvious perks of hired help are numerous. I haven’t touched my toilet or mopped a floor in over a year. Minda also cooks lunches and dinners for many days of the week. I do enjoy cooking, but not 3 meals a day! That constant responsibility sucks the joy from preparing a meal.
The best part about Minda is the relationship that she has formed with my daughter. Since Maeli is far away from grandparents and extended family, I feel that Minda is a loving presence in her life that isn’t “mom or dad.” Children benefit from the care of many adults in their lives, and so I’m happy that Minda can provide another perspective and source of comfort.
So to any of you who may feel a tad jealous that I forgot how to clean a toilet, you can always move across the globe. It may not be easy, but some rewards are certainly worth it.
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