I only know a handful of expats that have family living nearby. This one fact induces serious expat networking and a well oiled community to compensate for family birthday parties, holiday get-togethers, or even cousin Caleb’s soccer game.
This morning I got a text from a French mother on Lamma:
“Morning mummys. What a beautiful day! Charlotte and I will spend the morning at the beach. Maybe see u there!”
Maeli gets invited to regular functions to a point of near excess. Usually there are a few birthday parties every month and then the handful of weekly play date invitations, as well as the monthly outings to a larger event or venue off of Lamma. Don’t forget the neighborhood kids that just started knocking on our door regularly.
I’m pretty certain Maeli wouldn’t have this many friends if we were living close to our extended family. I would stick to family just like a lot of other people in their homeland. There wouldn’t be the drive for these never ending social networks.
With all of these positives, we can’t forget the negatives.
These communities are transient. Already, a few of Maeli’s friends have moved away and I let Maeli know that she will one day host a goodbye party for all of her friends. The sense of security just isn’t the same as, for instance, my parents who’ve lived in the same house for 29 years.
Wacky parenting styles are another negative, which isn’t exclusive to expat communities. There are plenty of complaints about over-giving grandparents or a lazy aunt. (I’ll stop now before someone in my own family thinks I’m talking about them!) But, at least for me, I’m able to clearly tell my family and in-laws about my parenting style and I know they try to respect that. It’s harder to do that with transient families. And, since these kids have so many friends, they get a sample of every parenting style.
I know parents who can’t discipline their kids, others who over discipline, some who can’t stop screaming, others who are over cautious, and some who let their toddlers run around Lamma with no adult.
We all have flaws as parents but it becomes hectic when the community is so big and children get too many different examples of parenting. All of these parenting models are wonderful learning material for me, but they may be confusing for Maeli. I’m starting to hear “Well, so-and-so is allowed to do that, or eat that, or watch that.” Again, this probably isn’t completely exclusive to expat communities.
I know my own family will read this and wonder if I think expat communities are better than living close to family. I have no answer for that. To be honest, I think Maeli would be a happy kid either way.
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